Riding the Infertility Crazy Train

how I'm muddling through infertility, loss, and perimenopause

Crazy Google Lady Banned From Google

Ok, not banned by Google but banned from Google by the hubbs…

Last year I swore off google for any and all IF purposes.  I was making myself nuts seeking and searching for something – anything related to my age, treatment, journey – anything.  Knowledge is power, right?  Finally I realized the search for knowledge was actually manic desperation for seeing the unknown.  I cut myself off cold turkey, and I was liberated!  Free to be okay knowing I had the knowledge I needed and was walking the charted course well armed.

Hearing from the nurse that my FSH is 13 which is definitely in the perimenopause category has sent me into an emotional tailspin.  …and the googling began.  This time I have been googling for hope.  Desperatly looking for any information about successful IVF with my numbers.   Unfortunately, all I have found is more despair.   Last night, after an hour and dozens of sites, I teared up (happens a lot these days) and curled up with the hubbs.   After a short paraphrase of how screwed we are, the big man laid down the law (or so he thinks)!  NO MORE GOOGLE!  He’s right.  I’m making myself crazier looking for hope in another persons experience, and my situation won’t change because I read about another persons life.

The truth is that we are all different, and women can and do have “change of life” babies naturally and medically.  It is possible that there is a miracle out there for me.  In our life we have faced worse odds and prevailed.  I insisted on the additional blood work which is why we have this information.  No one, including the hubbs, thought it was necessary since five months ago my FSH was beautiful and well below the norm for my age.  It is good that we know we are dealing with a more extreme situation than we thought.  With this new information The Good Doctor has changed my stim protocol.   Knowing the odds is hard, but I know we are doing everything medically that we can for success.

So for me NO MORE GOOGLE!!!!

TTFN!

Izzy

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